Sunday, February 26

it gets better, the angst-ridden edition

we can experiment with how to do work

It occurs to me that there is a bigger picture even when I can't feel it. And that I am figuring out how to do this. I get glimmers now and then.

Do you know what helps? I've started talking to / pestering any full time established artist who will share details of their process with me. I think full time is key because they are pushed in ways that others aren't: their plates and houses and pants are on the line. They can't afford to be romantic. (whew)

And oh boy, do I ever recommend it.

Yesterday i joked to my painter friend P. about how I dream up a new scheme every week for what will work for me. His eyes lit up. Without taking a breath he said: We don't have security. We don't have someone writing a check for us every week. But we can experiment with how to do work. In fact, it's the one precious thing we have that no one can take away from us.

It's a thing we have. Not a fatal flaw! My curse is his blessing - and it all spun around for me.

Still I wish I had some sort of "It Gets Better" campaign for artists. I want to know if this all works out. I want to know if my struggles are worthwhile, if I'm planting seeds or just ensuring I'll be an unemployable freak after all of this .... Yup, of course, as soon as I write that I know I don't want that. I just think I do. Carry on. As you were. Onward into the murk.